I just don't remember being so awake in the night as to need to get up (other than to pee) when I was pregnant with Caleb. It's 3 in the morning and Mako and I are not sleeping. We took his dog bed away for the night because he seemed bothered by the cover and was chewing holes in it. Caleb was playing on/around it earlier and we think he may have "leaked" a little on it. That would certainly bother me! However I am fundamentally opposed to doing special laundry loads for a DOG after 9pm on a Sunday, so his only consolation is that I can't sleep either.
Among a myriad of other magazines, we get Reader's Digest. This month's issue was a special comedy issue and it had an article that listed the *Best* one-liners from a bunch of comedians. I didn't think all of them were exceptionally funny, but here are the ones I thought were the funniest - hopefully you'll get some giggles and since I've read them before, maybe they'll lull me to sleep:
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt? Jeff Foxworthy
How many people here have tele-kinetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips
I constantly walk into a room and I don't remember why. But for some reason, I think there's going to be a clue in the fridge. Caroline Rhea
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Steve Martin
My problem is I belong to so many anonymous groups, everybody knows who I am. Nancy Redman
Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. Bill Cosby
So they're showing me, on television, the detergents getting out bloodstains. I mean, come on, you got a T-shirt with bloodstain all over it. Maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now. Jerry Seinfeld
I had a linguistics professor who said that its man's ability to use language that makes him the dominant species. That may be, but I think there's one other thing: We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners. Jeff Stilson
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