An Alternative to Counting Sheep

The main character in Bleak House is Esther. She is a classic Dickens type – Dickens was in love with a young woman whom he thought was perfect. Things did not work out as he planned and he never married her. Instead he married another woman and had a houseful of kids. He never forgot his first love and molded some of his characters after his perception of her inner beauty. Agnes in David Copperfield is another example of this type. Both Agnes and Esther have incredible control over their emotions and are beautifully ladylike and graceful. They are also considered trustworthy. Dickens gives each of these characters a basket of keys that symbolizes their “job” as wise household managers.

One night Esther is trying to go to sleep and she can’t settle her mind, so she begins to think of the oldest people she knows and tries to mentally turn back the clock and see them as they were in their youth. I thought this was and interesting thing to do. I imagined my grandparents and old people at my church. It is a very hard thing to do. I’ve even seen pictures of my grandparents in their youth and still it was hard to imagine those pictures as vibrant, colorful people. It was a fatiguing thing to do with your mind – similar to counting sheep – so I can see why it would be something to do when you can’t sleep.

I volunteer with the youth group at church on Wednesday night and one night we were talking about the old people in our church. I was shocked that these 15 and 16-year-old young ladies said that the elderly didn’t know much, “because they didn’t know about technology”. I’m sure they weren’t imagining Mrs. Suggs as a young girl walking to her dad’s store or old Mr. Bennet as a part of the “greatest generation” fighting in World War II. But then I’m not sure they ever imagine themselves growing older, when you’re 16 you just don’t do that sort of thing.

While I was in Arkansas last week, I took the opportunity to ask my grandmother about some family history that I had been curious about. My great uncle, her brother, had polio as a child. I wanted to know how he had contracted it – since none of the other siblings had gotten the disease. Also my grandpa was 10 years older than my Nanny and he was from another town. I was curious to know how they had met. Interestingly enough, her answer to both was the same, “It was just one of those things.” She didn’t seem to consider either event as extraordinary. They didn’t know anyone else with polio; it was a mystery as to why Johnny had it. Grandpa just had a job in Holly Springs, she met him at church.

Old pictures, old stories, it’s all very sobering to me. We spend so much time in a hurry and sometimes wanting things to change. I feel so blessed to be in the part of my life where I’m still taking pictures of my baby, still petting my much loved family pet, still struggling to make end meet. These are wonderful days and the more I reflect on how quickly days pass, on how recently all those gray haired ladies at church were silly 16-year-olds, the more I regret the moments I spent without being thankful for all the blessings in my life. Those old pictures are so nice; Esther wouldn’t have had real pictures to show her what those old people really looked like. Take a moment tonight as you drift off to sleep, and imagine some wrinkled face growing smooth and young. See if you can do it – it’s very hard.